As a parent, motivating my 3 boys is an ongoing process. As their wants, needs and desires change so does their motivation. And when I figure out what motivates one child, I quickly learn the same does not work on another child. So how do I provide incentives and a motivating force for my ever-changing children?
One trick I use is to find what really is important to them. Is it one on one time with mom and/or dad (I wish this was always the case but as they get older, we get lower and lower on their list), video games, friends, food, staying up past bed time, money, etc.? These are just a few of the motivating factors that drive my children to do their chores, keep their grades up and practice their skills of whatever activity they may be involved with! I wish the good reward would just be how awesome it feels to be great on their test or at their game or with a clean room but let’s face it, we all like to be rewarded for our efforts…especially children!
Now it is tricky because I feel you can over reward when trying to motivate your kids. I am not a fan of entitlement and there’s a fine line when motivation can start to make my boys feel that when they do something good, then they must be rewarded! I am sorry, but that is not how life works so a reward doesn’t come with every good deed!
Another tactic we like to use is positive reinforcement. We want our kids to know how proud we are and we try to tell them that often and provide hugs and loving gestures. This is important in our family, because we want our boys to do the same in their families when they get older and to not be afraid to compliment someone when they do a good job! Words are very powerful and they can be just as motivating as an object!
My advice to parents it to find that good balance between keeping your child enthusiastic and ambitious with intrinsic motivation as much as you can before moving on to extrinsic rewards. Every family is different so I would recommend finding that balance of tangible and non-tangible rewards while being able to raise level headed children who do not need to receive something for every good deed! Talk with other parents for ideas and talk with your children! Communication is key and we all like to be heard!!
What motivates you?
And when trying to motivate your child, think about what motivates you? As adults, we fall in to bad habits at times of being lazy, feeling overwhelmed, wanting to give up on trying to be healthy or just not giving a darn! They are bad habits that we learn to overcome. Use these experiences to relate to your children and to let them know that is normal to feel down at times but we become better when we preserve and push through to obtain our goals. You stay motivated and lead by example!
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